SHIFTED

I have shifted AGAIN, this time out of blogger. i know its irritating, but i can't help it. with the computer in front of me and what seems like alot of time but actually isn't, i found something much better than blogger. BLOGSOME! it uses wordpress a much more powerful platform as compares to blogger and allow you to do much more things, plus, its free too. you check out the websites to see the features. however, to use wordpress, one would really need at least some basic HTML skills and a whole lot of not so common common sense. you see if you don't understand HTML in blogger, you can just rip some blogskin and use it happily, the most you screw up you blog and start tYpInG lIkE tHiS but who cares. as wordpress has much more features and allows you to customize your blog more, it means if you dont understand you probably cant even set up your blog. so yeppo, wordpress rocks!

Kinematized

v/t graph for a bouncing ball. actually im not sure if its correct, should be right? i mean it starts from rest so v=0 when t=0, and then when it reaches the floor v is max cos unless it goes through the floor. anyway it looks cool right? i drew it with a bloody mouse, not tablet or any pen like tool. i'm not trying to say its dam nice or anything, but it looks so artsy cos im using this programme called art rage which enables you to create all those weird art effects, shades, highlights, different intensities, effects, rollers, smudges and even glitter. wanted to find paint for mac but found this instead, quite fun. but because its not the paid version i cant save it as a jpeg, so i had to take a picture of the screen.

i thought physics in aj would be easy, cos i mananged to do rj physics, rj already covered kinematics and cos i love physics. so anyway i woke up at some insane hour that somewhat looked like 6pm to me. i wasted time on the comp as usual, ate alot as i was very hungry and read the papers. n then decided to start on physics, i thought maybe it would as easy as maths or chemistry then i can sleep before 3am. n guess what, i'm still awake.

the physics was quite bomb, i got stuck in the 2nd qn, then i got distracted, and here i am.

I'm that girl

I'm that daughter you left in your parent's care because you had to work, who cried every morning when i woke up and couldn't find you. I'm that daughter you later sent to a childcare centre, who totally hated it and cried everyday till you took me out of the childcare centre.

I'm that daughter who saves alot of my money and spents yours, the one who spents most of your money, the one whom you generously shower with gifts ever so often. I'm that daughter who enjoys shopping with you, who would still hold your hand when we are out together. I'm that daughter who would still sleep in your room during the weekends and still needs to be chauffeur around. I'm that crazy and attention seeking daughter.

I'm that daughter whom you have high hopes on but never fail to dash your hopes time after time. I'm that daughter who failed to get into the junior college you want me to, who knows how disappointed you are even though you say its okay. I'm that daughter who cries in her room because I don't want to show that I'm upset because i don't want you to worry. I'm that daughter who still doesn't have the courage to show you that damned piece of paper. I'm that daughter who wish to do you proud.

I'm that granddaughter you looked after and pampered even though I'm not a boy. I'm that granddaughter whom you walked to school with and back, who would make you buy toys for everyday and who loved going to the market with you in the morning until i got lazy. I'm that granddaughter you cycled around Bedok town and the one whom you taught how to cycle. I'm that granddaughter who is now too heavy for you to cycle around.

I'm that granddaughter who loves your food and misses it badly. I'm that granddaughter who wonder where you are now, who lives in regret because i never got to tell you how much i love you and who would still cry when i think about you. I'm that granddaughter who wrote you a letter to tell you how much i missed you and that I'm sorry I wasn't there for you but didn't know how to send it to you.

I'm that granddaughter whose heart ached when i saw you cry at grandma's funeral. I'm that granddaughter who feels your loneliness and feels extremely helpless.

I'm that granddaughter who still doesn't know how to say "I love you" in teochew. I'm that granddaughter who loves you dearly.

I'm that niece that sometimes feel like your daughter. I'm that niece you stuffed with storybooks and told stories of magical and wonderful things to. I'm that niece you spent the most money on, whom you brought shopping and to the movies every weekend, who is now very busy and wished i had more time to spend with you.

I'm that niece who would cry to you and who really appreciates you for being there for me all the time. I'm that niece who wants to look after you when you grow old.

I'm that sister who's always in my room in front of the computer and who talks to you more on msn. I'm that sister who wants to care for you and spend more time with you but don't know how.

I'm that sister and i know you're secretly in love with my duck. I'm that sister, i think you think I'm mad.

I'm that mao who wish to be in the same school as mao, who wish to spend more time with mao and misses seeing mao everyday. I'm that mao who misses our milo and barney cloud days.

I'm that mao who hopes mao understands that I'm kinda in a mess right now.

I'm that mao who swears to be there for mao no matter what even though i may be busy sometimes. I'm that mao who hopes mao is doing alright now. I'm that mao who wants to tell mao I'm still here for you to scream/yell/squeeze/pinch/hug/talk/scratch to.

I'm that mao and I hope we mao forever.

I'm that girl who lies in bed and stares at the ceiling with thoughts chasing one another in my head, who prances around beneath a facade because i feel too complicated for the world.

I'm that girl, the one you thought you will never forget, whom you spent time with and thought it wasn't a waste of time, who watched you listen patiently as i said things no one else would bother listening to.

I'm that girl whose life is turned into a living hell by a simple piece of paper nothing near an A4, who sometimes still wish it has all been a nasty dream. I'm that girl, the living zombie in living hell, trying to crawl out this deep trench.

I'm that girl who wish i never had to leave, who still left but my heart behind. I'm that girl who drown pangs for you in chores in bid to move away from self-pity. I'm that girl who still slip thoughts of you albeit this all.

I'm that girl who feels like yelling at you, what have you been doing, why are you so nonchalant and lukewarm, how can you go on as if nothing has happened. I'm that girl who still sits by the computer screen till unearthly hours of the day, for a simple expression from you.

I'm that girl you took for granted and later insensately obliterated from your mind. I'm that girl who feels left behind and forgotten, everyone else has moved on. I'm that girl who's now sick of walking down dark alley ways alone. I'm that girl, you are my nemesis.

I'm that girl who just wasted quite alot of time blogging.

week 1

a week has gone, feels like a pretty long week, but because its friday today, it feels like a short week. i'm crapping. school kinda finally really started, except for cca, still in the orientation period, kinda. and teachers are all wasting their first tutorial to do self intro and stuff. and nxt friday we have no lessons for the entire day cos we have some college activity that i don't remember. my school really know how to waste time on useless activities. facmlsiodfalsdf. thats why they are teaching so slowing and noobishly. they are 1.5 or maybe almost 2 chapters now, behind rj. how sickening. the teachers are all really nice, caring and approachable. as in really nice. not like curtain who gave me an E, maybe she was trying to teach me spelling, E for econs. anyway i don't take econs now. i shall be a chao mugger and read in advance. im feeling dam kiasu, don't like the feeling of being slower than the rafflesians. wahahha. its been a pretty alright week, esp since i have managed to sucessful get down to some work. the problem is, now i can't stop, i have been sleeping at 3am? and whenever i have free time in school, like breaks and stuff, i will start doing work. i'm some mugger. my class is really quite fun, nice people and stuff, yay. well only had 2 odac sessions, the people are like typical odacians i guess, fun friendly yada yada. aj odac is pretty tiny, 20 j2s i think and they say they can only take in around 30 j1s. oh no. i guess its cos they usually go for expeditions together and not as a batch, so it gets pretty big. teacher also say that if they have like 60 people, they won't be able to do anything cos its too big for expedition. then rj odac leh? im sure they have more than 60, excluding teachers. rj odac some bomb la. maybe lava bomb, so hot they explode. woo. the j1s in odac are really nice people too, the 1st intake people, and then the 2nd people are generally shy-er. well i don't really know many of the 1st intake people well yet. know a few here and there. so anyway, this post is getting to no where. odac rocks la. im going to mug. ^^

school

school is good. ^^ thank God. today is the first day we all put on the same uniform, the school feels more united, like we all belong to this same place. also it prevented me from turning snobby since i couldn't identify those from u know, so good. don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to say that we should be snobs or that discriminating is correct. well, its more or less like the first few days of school in Rj, when you don't know anyone and don't know where to go or do during breaks. my class is some random mix of people cos i have a weird subject combi, tutorials have not started so we don't get to spend alot of time together and yet to have the chance to know each other better, interact and stuff. during break, everyone does their own stuff and we don't go for break together. :( hopefully this will change. aj's library is not too bad, better than expected, 3 storeys too! much much, very very much more peaceful, cos everyone seems to prefer studying outside than in the library. i actually like the library, its quiet and the libarians arn't nasty, HAHA. its also a pretty nice place to sleep, i saw quite a few students sleeping. i have this feeling that the library will soon become my favourite place, i sound so muggerish. not my fault, my class don't go for breaks together and we don't have class bonding session and we don't play frisbee together. :( nevermind, this will change. lectures are pretty slow and boring and rj has already covered whatever they are doing now, so i can slack, and maybe do a little reading in advance. ^^ on a higher note, the teachers are pretty nice and bubbly, i mean so far. but i miss mr tay, haha, my current CT is so, not friendly enough. i look forward to school tomorrow! though it will be a pretty boring day, 2 PW lectures =.=, i almost fell asleep during today's PW lecture. i want phy chem n maths or geog! i hope cca starts soon, i still can't decide what to join, other than council. should i join odac cos i love the stuff they do, or should i join some science club thing for a nice record? laalaa. i can't join both cos all of the ccas in aj fall on wednesday and friday.

insomnia

i can't sleep. in addition to my screwed up body clock, i drank coffee. school starts on monday, congratulate me. so to keep myself occupied, i decide i should read the last bit of my chemistry notes(though i never got down to doing it), so i ended up reading random articles and blogs.

since im now a ajcian(HAHA), i should find out more about my school. so the general opinion of the school is that its a mugger school, something i noticed too. instead of seeing crazy people playing and doing silly things in different corners of the school like in rj, you see groups of people, mugging away. whether they are really muggers or just rushing last min work, i don't know, but lets just assume they are all muggers. even their moblog says "muggers unite". =.="

reading blogs made me realise that there are many others who share the same opinions about aj. the no school spirit, the school being completely devoid of life and selfish people who only care about themselves, basically people who are there just to mug. before you start rolling your eyes and think that i'm whining about my school(YES MY SCHOOL), be patient and let me get to my point, i am not complaining.

i gather that aj is what she is not only because people are too narcissistic and cynical, the school lacks unity, there is nothing in common the students can identify with, students come from over 80 secondary schools from all over singapore. it seems like they are all chucked in aj simply to continue their education. you get all kinds of people, from neighbourhood schools and everything. admit it, we are all snobs, there are some people whom i completely can't relate to, but i am not gonna leave it as that.

i don't want to look back, aj is my school from now, thats that, and if i want to enjoy my jc life, i jolly well make the school fun. i'm done with being upset about not being in rj, i'm sick of it. like what my aunt said, i should move on, settle down and stop being in the middle or nowhere, cos then i will end up with nothing. there is noting wrong with the school, just the atmosphere that we allowed to be created. the school, they are just bricks, they are dead, we are the ones that are alive, so be what we should, be alive. before we complain about the school, think about what we have done to change it. bumming around doesn't count. i'm comforted to know that there are people out there who care about the school, people who recognise that something is wrong and want to make a difference. there's hope!

i know i totally want to own everyone and ace everything, but i think i will soon be very crushed. aj is no second choice school, they too have 6, 7, 8 pointers and a whole lot of people who want to appeal in. while i may feel very wronged to be posted to aj, i will soon realise that i am indeed wrong to feel that way. there will always be people who are better than me, no matter where i go, not forgetting aj is a mugger school.

though i'm not completely blameless, you can't blame me for my initial irksome attitude(that i foresee will return on monday). i guess its only natural for one to feel some kind of affinity towards your first jc and absence simply makes the heart grow fonder. first 3 months was fun for everyone, it doesn't matter which jc. we play, have fun, not care about homework/tests, spend lots of time with your og/class/cca. i'm not being sour grapes but i guess it will all change after first 3 months(not completely). homework and tests becomes more important and your load becomes heavier, you are so consumed in your work, you spend less time with your friends. people change and some friends drift apart, you see some true friends and realise most are merely acquaintance. yes, i am worried about the friendships i forged in rj. i have a steadily escalating sense of foreboding that i will be happily forgotten, if thats the case, i hope i forget you too. i suppose to presume all our friendships remain, is to be optimistic to the point of foolishness.

so well, enough of crapping. i look forward to school on monday and i am pretty nervous. especially since i don't know my subject combi, class or timetable. i don't even know where to line up during assembly. wish me luck, i better catch some sleep.

something random

A Christmas candle is a lovely thing;
It makes no noise at all,
But softly gives itself away;
While quite unselfish, it grows small. - Eva K. Logue

march

so the march hols have come and gone. guess it has been a pretty busy week for everyone, with all the outings, homework and tests to mug for. i had a extremely slack week, it feels like secondary school all over again, wasting time and regretting, all the last min work. this is bad. i have wasted my march hols, slacking, procrastinating, escaping. nothing has really started in aj, at least not for me, so its actually a very good excuse for me to slack, and to feel like its december hols, but i know i do have work, its just, well i don't know. just can't get down to doing it. i feel so angsty, like some last few days of hols syndrome. i spent most of my hols in bed, sleeping, dreaming, just staring into space. even when im not tired, i just lie in bed and let time slip away. the other half of my hols are spent in front of my computer, on my bed, reading random articles, just to occupy my mind.
school is giving me the heebie-jeebies. i still hope everything starts soon, i can't wait to get my engine started and get busy again. its toturous to have nothing at all to do.
maybe if i go to bed now, it will be all alright tomorrow.

Say Goodnight

Our seperation has it's faults
but I don't wanna leave it all
so write the letters in teary ink
I just need some time to think
and I just need some time to breathe

we're in a spell that never ends
the empty hourglass wore me thin
so let the phone do it's work
your voice is heaven
but it hurts
your words are memories
but they burn

baby don't say goodbye
baby just close your eyes
and dream,tomorrow's on it's way
so just walk away

baby just say goodnight
I'll be gone tomorrow
baby just close your eyes
I can't take the sorrow
baby just walk away
you know I can't stay
there's no easy way to say goodbye
so baby just say goodnight